A 4 AM post.

It is late and I am beat, but I just got back from "painting" at the church (this consisted of me sitting and talking on the phone to Erika and Elijah), staying around church for longer than necessary, finding interesting things at Wal-Mart and getting a new wardrobe for Elijah's stint at Sonshine (had to be hXc stuff), and just sitting at a random park talking about deep, awkward and random things like we always do.

I think I'm getting a sweet new phone today. Razrs suck. I've had 2 Razrs, and my experiences with them have not been good. Boo! I don't remember the name of this phone. I just remember it is sweet...and turquoise.

In very awkward news, I got a condom in the mail yesterday. It was sent from YoungAmerica. I would like to know who is playing this joke on me. I find it somewhat funny...but it's embarassing when my parents ask what came in the package and I have to respond with that.

Chey--you still need to add me back on Yahoo, or we need to fix that. Yes, I just called you out on my blog young lady! So all 3 people who view this (do I even get that many?) will know this. Don't make me pull out your full name!

Remember to recycle. Reduce your waste. And let God be your JOY. :)

Birthdays and concerts.

It's my sister Heidi's 33rd birthday today. Happy birthday Heidi! (although I don't think she reads this)
In case she ever does---I ate the rest of the birthday cake Bonnie made. She said we could have it. I think it made me sick though. NOT WORTH IT! I need to get back on my diet, yo. I've lost 20 lbs. Chyeah! Rub that in the faces of people who thought I wasn't gonna make it, OK?

Carissa is taking Brian and I to a BarlowGirl concert in Wisconsin...a day after I get back from Mexico. I only mention this right now because she's soooo excited about it, and keeps calling me about either being super excited, getting a room in Siren that night, when we're going to leave, how she's already printed out directions to Siren, etc. She's never seen BG live. This could be crazy. I might go stand in the crowd by myself, or by others I know there if there are any.
I think my chances of going to Sonshine are getting diminished, because my bank account is getting diminished (well, not really)...I just need to stop spending. I keep spending when I don't need to be. Shirts I don't need, music, kombucha (OK, needed, but less), and movies. Ay. All people in Roch want to do is go see movies. In the course of 6 days I saw 4 movies: Wall-E, Wanted, Kit Kittredge, and Hancock. I find it kind've funny that I thought Kit Kittredge was the best out of those 4 movies. Anywho, I need to be saving for MX since I haven't paid for all of it and need money for when we get to shop there, and for college. College should be free, in my mind. =P

Edit: SCRATCH everything I said about the BarlowGirl concert. I have the most UNRELIABLE friends. And I'm officially pissed.

I need to add: A commercial just came on that said Puddle of Mudd was coming to Rochester. How lame. Why can't we get good bands? The last decent concert I went to at the Civic Center was MercyMe. I'm going to be gone when Decyfer Down is here on the 20th. Sad...

Getting back on track.

If I coast into weird stuff during this blog, it's because I'm trying to watch 'Be Kind, Rewind' while writing this...

I've decided I should blog more. Well, others have helped me make that decision.

Anywho, things lately have been interesting. Picking up pace. It seems like I'm either out doing something until 1-3 AM, or out of town. In fact, I'll be going to my good ol' hometown of Michigan City, IN, in a week and a half. :)

One thing I can say is I definitely need to be relying on God more. And stop worrying about what others think about me. Lately, the littlest things will set stuff off in my mind. Like, friends will do things that I think make me such a low, low option in their book, and I go "Oh, guess I'm not worth much, eh?" (everything I want to write isn't translating over well, I feel...) I totally know better though.

It's also dawned upon me that it's time I lived in the real world. High school's been over. College is upon me. And I don't know what I want to do. I have no job, except for the work I do online for my dad that does get me a fair amount of money. Annnd, the thing everyone likes to bug me about, I have no license. (I do have my last driving hour on the 30th...then I can take the test...so--pray that I pass that sucker) I feel lame for being 20 (wooo...August 28th, celebrate my birthday for me!) and that I have so little accomplished that matters to people in the real world. I've overcome a lot in my life, and in the "real world" that doesn't matter to many. Everything I've said I'd like to do with my life, people say is too impossible...reasoning mainly that since I dropped out of high school once (decision bred from high levels of anxiety), and that I couldn't make it through the extra schooling I'd have to go through.
I feel so old for just turning 20. Life has worn me out. I've let it wear me out. I refuse to let that happen anymore though. I'm going for things head-on. Watch out for me. I tell you...watch out for me.

I think I would like to write a book. Stories from life. About the people I know. That's very random, but true. And maybe you, the person reading this, maybe I'd like to write about you.

Mexico is soon...so soon. It's gonna be sweet. To see that love has no language, has no bounds.
To be humbled like crazy. To have God move like crazy. I can't wait to see the kids again, the staff. To bless them and be blessed by them.
And maybe I'll get to conquer that 'mountain' again. ;-)

<3,
Laura, LD, Leezer, LDePeel, etc.

Slamburger?

I haven't blogged in a while, but...life is so mundane. So it's not like I've been out doing great, exciting things to write about.
This is how I feel about life at the moment--it is confusing, a tad cruel, and kinda ridiculous.
I haven't been up to a whole lot either...hanging out with friends when they decide to be around, staying up late and sleeping in, selling stuff online for my dad and getting the profits, and that's it. That is my boring, repetitive life.
Music is my escape at this moment from current pains; ones I refuse to speak of, so don't try me.
I'm off to see if my indecisive friend really wants to hang out or not...
Let's hope I decide to post a normal blog soon. :)

I forgot!

After bowling, my cousins and I (along with Denzel, my youngest cousin's friend), went to McDonald's. I'm sitting there, chillin' and eating my 4 piece McNuggets and drinking a Coke, and this strange looking woman walks in. She heads towards the soda fountain to get a refill, and I notice she is holding a plastic Subway cup. This woman is heavyset, 40-50 years old, and looks mentally ill. As she leaves, she turns back and looks directly at me and says "They're trying to kill me!" Then she walked on out.
Well, apparently other people in the Mickey D's heard it as well, as the people a few tables ahead were talking about it.
It was...hilarious, to be frank.
For fun times like these, go to St. Cloud's McDonald's.

Does anybody read this?

God's pretty cool. I think we all know that though. ;-)
Anywho, I think a few people have heard me say this a lot lately, but this past week, I've been running into a lot of people I haven't talked to in a long time...long being up to 3 years. I honestly believe God is placing me into their lives for that moment, be it brief, for a reason. Maybe those few moments could brighten up a dreary day. Maybe it could help me out in ways. Be a way to reach out.
There is no such thing as coincidences when you're in God. I strongly believe that.
Some of these people, the stories are just hard to explain. There's been so much damage with them; and maybe, this can be a time of restoration...because these people that I've had the damage with want to talk more. Want to get together. We've forgiven the damage for the most part. And I believe this can be my time to reach out to them. I tried before with both of them, and failed miserably. Instead, I fell under their influence instead of being one instead. Talking to one of them, they are living life differently, and seem to be on the right path. They're just missing one thing in their life...the most important thing one person could ever have...

Well, I think I know what I would like to do with my life. There are a few possibilities in my mind. I got thinking about it only Wednesday night, really, when Cara probed my brain, with one of the questions asking what I'd like to do with my life. Well, no, I'm not gonna tell you on here. =P

Know what's fun? Surprising friends. Do it. I went to Stout with Carissa and Brian, and we surprised our friend Sarah. Made sure she was in her dorm, walked right in after we made sure, and then wow. Ha...it was amazing how happy that made her. Tears of joy came. They really did. The jumping up and down screaming. And then doing that while walking to campus for 10 minutes straight. The hugging multiple times. The talking about it throughout the night. To be apart of that made my heart glad.
Love ya Baumgard! :)

Monster.

I feel like sometimes I've turned into a monster.
Everytime it rears its ugly head, I wish, want to, try to, disconnect myself from it.
But it grips me even tighter under its control, under its reign. I try to wriggle away from the binds, but find myself tied even tighter.
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but a monster. One I've created; one I've let be created.