Peace, understanding & life.

It's been a while, eh? Let's just get right to it...

One thing God's been trying to drive into me is peace. Having peace in knowing He is God and is in control. Having peace that He has me where I am for a purpose, and trusting that He will lead me. All of this was made quite apparent to me during different times in Mexico. Well, I knew this before going, but it just confirmed time after time. The first time was during personal devos...I just opened the Bible to a random page and WHAM! a verse talking about God's peace. The second time was at the prophecy tents they had at the church. Then with talking to people, people praying over me, and other ways. God's pretty cool like that, eh? Let's just say...I'm trying. Not completely there at being at peace with God. It's just things like my dad being sick and not knowing if it's cancer (supposed to know today...) that make me unstill. That's another thing God's been trying to speak to me through. That no matter the outcome to trust Him; He has the best in mind--I don't see the bigger picture He has.

I'm also sure on what I want to do with my life. It's something a college degree will have no good in. Well, I could have one, a job, and still do what I want to do. I just want to show the world Christ's love is all. I want to go work with kids who have known no true love but that of Christ. Or kids that think they know love--think they've found it in different forms, but don't know the true definition of Love.
I want nothing else.
I want God to give me more people to burn for...I've felt this type of burden on my heart for a while now.
I know, this is what we are called to do. But on a larger scale, you know?
Now to wait and see...

Puebla

Puebla, Mexico--Esperanza Viva.
I don't really know how to describe this trip. To put into words what God has done and spoken into my life.
Things have to change, that's one thing I know. And it'll be hard; but it'll be worth it.
God really stretched me. Challenged me. And now He's got me thinking on a few things...I'll hold back on the things because...yes...I'm doing some serious thinking...
Joy. Tears about goodbyes (or as Juana says, there are no goodbyes, only "see you laters" for we well eventually see each other at sometime, even if it may be on the other side)
I have so much I'd like to write. Really. So much going on my mind. I'm still sitting, reflecting on the trip, reflecting on what I need to do and going forward.

Maybe I'll update this later...

Craziness!

Last night at the fair was pure craziness...a woman who was pregnant, and there pushing 2 children in her stroller, was beat-up by 2 guys because she supposedly said something. Then her husband went after one of the guys and beat him down. They all got arrested. Brian, Isaac, Elijah, and I missed the beatdown by a minute. I'm glad they had to stop for mini-donuts. We did walk by and saw the young woman lying on the ground, someone cradling her, the woman herself holding an icepack over one side of her face...the other side of her face was bloodied, almost looking like someone had took a knife to it. It's just insane someone would ever beat up a pregnant woman there with her 2 other kids...or that someone would beat up a woman...or...
This world is just INSANE.
(Of course, all of this took place during closing time, since we went later, after church. We learned our lesson to go earlier.)
This black kid half the height of Elijah tried to start a fight with him just because he was "gangsta" and didn't like the way Elijah was looking at him. He even tried kicking Elijah in his..er...yeah...But when Elijah told him to chill, the kid started backing up, like he was a chicken.
We also got to experience 2 bi-sexual girls who were high, that wanted us to give them a ride...making out with various guys and not leaving us alone. Probably because one of them is my neighbor. =/ This world has indeed gone to hell.

I keep making random friends at random places I go to. Like Target South, there's Alexis. If you go there, be nice to her. She works in the cafe. Isaac, Elijah and I were there on Monday night and just started talking to her randomly, telling her jokes and hoping she would give us free pizza since it was almost closing time. But we just stood there and chatted with her for a while, pretty sweet. Invited her to see a free movie with us (she didn't show, neither did this girl I went to Studio with that works at Target. If you see a girl named Karis [real name Karissa] that works there, be nice to her. She used to have a pet monkey, and has a 3 or 4 year old son. I didn't recognize her at first, but she was excited to see me, and gave me her number. I saw her when I went to Target again tonight, and I wasn't so nice in my acknowledgment. Thank goodness for text message apologies =P)
Anyways, back to Alexis...I saw her as well when I went back to Target with my sisters, mom and niece today. She was on the end of her break, so we just chatted for a little bit. She told me how she saw the movie we invited her to with her boyfriend on Tues. night. She also told her boyfriend about the 3 of us, and how we are the white versions of she, her boyfriend, and her best friend. We apparently were "actin' a fool." She wants to hang with us sometime, and I got her number.
I feel like I need to be reaching out more...
Then we went to Perkin's tonight/this morning, and met Annette. She's like a mom, since she is a mom. We talked to her for a little bit, and she's hilarious. She gave us free drinks since we were so nice to her. And when we left, she had to make sure she got a hug from all of us. So, if you end up at Perkin's South late at night and get her as a server, tip her well.

Oh, today's my sister Bonnie's 30th birthday. Happy birthday Bonnie! :)

untitled.

If you care to, pray for my dad...they found some lymph nodes on his lungs--could be anything from nothing to cancer. So, yes, that'd be appreciated.
He also lost his wallet (or possibly had it stolen) at the fair...and no one has been decent enough to turn it in or call him saying they found it. It had his driver's license, $30, credit cards, AND his social security card in there. Oy.

I'm learning a lot about myself lately...it's always interesting to think you know completely everything, then NOPE...you don't.
I also keep seeing people I have not seen in a long time, wanting to hang out with me. People I wasn't necessarily nice to, or didn't really talk to. It's odd; like a second chance type of thing? I just wonder what makes them want to hang around a person like me. Is there something they see? Or are they just that desperate? =P
Gearing up for Mexico. Excited for it. 8 more days. Can't wait to show God's love to those kids. =D

I want to be random...

I feel like writing this...randomness...
-I had a really weird dream involving Hannah Montana...Wynter is the only one who really knows details. Now, why in the world would I be dreaming about HM? BAH!
-I'm letting my gauges close up. I could barely get the size 2's out after I had to gauge down to them, and I think I'll just be normal in that area...and it saddens me.
-I miss my lipring. Dude...I really do.
-My parents are giving me $9 for the $9.33 I had in the mess called my room...the change is for all the tolls in Chi-town. (so, I'm $9 richer... :)
-I found out that my dog's birthday is August 1. And he'll be 6 years old. Never knew that before, since he's a shelter dog. But the vet's office knew that. (we'd never asked the vet before today)
-It seems like bottles of kombucha like to explode on me lately...
-My niece is one of the greatest joys in my life. I think she's going to become a dancer; maybe hip-hop? She loves dancing, especially to hip-hop and when people on TV are doing hip-hop and break dancing. It's hilarious watching a nearly 2 year old try and do a headspin.
-I still $275 for my Mexico trip. I have no idea where that's coming from...(I believe God will provide, but...sometimes that's something hard to believe 100% of the time...)
-I hate how freaking hot it is!!! AGH! And we have no a/c in. None whatsoever...
-I have 2 songs stuck in my head, full rotation: "Last Night" by ilia (awesome hardcore Christian, all female band) and "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser (she's just amazing...and the lyrics are whoooa)

whooo.

Happy 22nd birthday to my brother, Brian. (he won't read this, but whatever...)
It's weird...I think this is the first time I haven't seen my brother on his birthday. It's probably for the best; the last time I saw him he was trying to use a cord to whip me, cussing me out, and spitting on me.
Today is also my cousin Annicka's birthday...I think she's 11? Ha. And my Grandpa & Grandma Anderson's anniversary. Tomorrow would've been my cousin Adam's 33rd(?) birthday...(cancer sucks!) July is a busy month for my family birthday/anniversary-wise. I'm the only kid out of the DePeel 4 not born in July...(just the next month over =P)

I'm excited to go to Indiana this weekend. Even if it's a business trip my dad has to go on to meet with people that support his ministry...I'm going home. So, I moved when I was 3, Indiana has always felt like home. We used to go back every year, and the past few years that just hasn't happened. I know I'll just see family friends, but still. It's getting away. It's seeing people and having an opportunity to know them on a different level. I'm sick of knowing people on just one level, you know? I don't know if that makes sense...but just that one level we tend to know people on and are happy to leave that way...I want to move beyond that with many people, just because...I feel it should be that way. *shrugs*
I'm sad I won't be at Sonshine, yeah...won't see BarlowGirl, friends, other awesome bands, but hey, there's other times that'll happen.

This summer is going fast. It's crazy. I'm wishing it would slow down...

A rescuing.

As I lay in bed, wide awake but desperately seeking sleep, images started flashing in my mind. Scenes of sexual abuse. I quivered because I felt like each moment I was reliving as a helpless, little child. I shuttered, feeling as if the offender was there in my very room. For the first time in, well, a long time, I felt pain about everything that had happened. I tried making all these thoughts, these vile images, go away themselves, but they refused to do so.
I started distracting my mind, trying to think about the beauty that God has created from that very past. I cradled myself while singing songs about God being the One who saves. I then swallowed my pride and rested in His arms. My Father's arms. I laid there for a while, refusing to let go of Him. I let Him erase the pain that was near; renew my mind; be my comfort. I in turn thanked Him for being such a loving Father; for being my healer; for so many things...
Then I started to bawl. I realized that this was the first time in, well, a long time, that I truly asked my Father for His help. And for all those times I refused His help, He was standing right there waiting to be my comfort...
To make it short, I decided to stick with my Savior from here on out.